Wednesday, 29 May 2013
Being Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
We were sitting outside eating our lunch enjoying the fantastic view, when my partner suddenly said to me 'do you realize that you are not comfortable being uncomfortable?'
This stopped me in my tracks. We were discussing how I usually became drained whenever I helped others. His statement, once it sunk in, gave me a huge realization about myself.
All my life I wanted to 'help' people. I seemed to feel their pain. With my partner's observation about me I suddenly realized that their discomfort made me so uncomfortable that I was actually helping me by making them comfortable again!
Wow. This shook me to the core! It made me question my true motivations throughout my life. I had to sit with this for a bit and sort it all out.
As far back as I could remember I had been very sensitive to how others felt. If someone, like my father, became angry even if it was not directed at me, I would feel very distraught inside. I did not like this feeling! So, to make myself feel settled again, I would go out of my way to make everyone feel comfortable and at peace.
This happened to me anytime there was an emotional upset around me. I would get very uncomfortable and think it was up to me to sort it out. I never fully understood why but just took it upon myself to do so. It would require enormous energy on my part to sense what a person or situation needed. My own personal wants or needs often got neglected because I was often too busy 'tuning in' to others and their issues. For some reason I didn't even think they should just sort it out themselves.
My sensitivity and 'tuning in' abilities eventually led me to become an intuitive healer. I really wanted to help others and the world in a big way. I was guided intuitively one day to move to California and had fantastic opportunities to heal many people, learned a great deal and had an amazing adventure, but eventually became very drained.
It wasn't until I met my present partner that this issue finally resolved itself.
What I realized that day, after my partner said those words to me, was that I will be perfectly OK if someone around me is in discomfort. I won't die and nothing bad will happen to me if I don't fix it.
I also realized that day that the root of the old pattern was an emotional survival issue I had when I was very young. I thought these strong, negative, aggressive or passive aggressive emotions I was picking up from others would harm me and I did everything I could to soothe each situation so I would feel safe.
As a healer I discovered many people were not really ready or interested in changing their patterns of behavior. They came to me to heal their emotional or physical discomfort but would go back and continue the very thing that created it in the first place. I would try to heal them, often with some success, but they would just repeat the pattern and the pain would come back. These were the people that drained my energy. Their behavior totally surprised me and I didn't understand it at all.
I did learn eventually, before I took a break from being a healer, that you can only truly help another when they are absolutely ready. All you can really do is assist them on their journey - helping them to help themselves. These were the ones I had most success with. The others just wanted someone to take away the pain of the consequences of their actions. And I, not knowing any better, fell for it time and time again.
Eventually I understood and these beautiful words came to me; healer, heal thyself. And that's what I did.